Here are the other posts in this challenge I’m participating in:
It was really nice getting away from the hospital and the traumatizing experience of my labor and delivery, but it was terrifying to leave at the same time. After the delivery it was really nice having the nurses there to take care of our little one while I got some sleep, which of course I wouldn’t have when I got home.
When we finally got there I was so terrified and stressed out about our whole situation with hubby getting ready to leave for training and Iraq, I couldn’t calm down. I somehow got it into my head that I needed to figure out how to take care of the baby by myself with no help from hubby so that I was a pro by the time he left less than 6 weeks from then. It didn’t go so well.
Ariela refused to sleep those first few days which of course meant that mommy and daddy weren’t getting any sleep. The less sleep we got, the more stressed we became, which in turn stressed Ariela out even more. It was a vicious cycle. Then we got a call from the hospital any parent would dread: “You need to come to the hospital asap! Your baby has severe Jaundice.”
Petrified we raced to the hospital where they ran a battery of tests before checking her into the hospital. I have no idea why they had to run so many tests since they already knew that Ariela had jaundice, but I’m glad they did because they also found out that she was very dehydrated.
When I found this out I felt like the worst mother who ever walked the planet. I felt like if I couldn’t provide the proper milk for my child then I wasn’t a fit parent to raise her. Not only was I going to have to raise her, I was gonna have to do it all by myself for an entire year!!! I had millions of thoughts running through my head that began to turn into absolute anger, fear, and frustration. I still get knots in my stomach thinking about this whole time of darkness in our lives. I would never wish any of this on my worst enemy!!!
So we got Ariela into the hospital where they hooked her up to an IV, which I gracefully exited so I didn’t have to witness them poking my little baby, and then put her under UV lights (for the Jaundice). They had little blinders over her eyes so the light wouldn’t blind her and she had no clothes on aside from her diaper. It was very very hard for me to see her as she was and since I was in such a fragile state of mind and feared losing her I was afraid that if I took her out from underneath the light for any longer than during nursings she would end up withering up and dying. It was the lowest state of mind I’d ever been in.
We were there for a week and were very very very thankful to finally be able to go home. Things didn’t go so well, however, since Ariela wasn’t a very good sleeper. By the time Travis had to leave I was so exhausted, stressed out, and struggling with Postpartum Depression it’s only by the mercy and love of God that I didn’t end up hurting my child.
I was terrified. Absolutely terrified. No words could ever express the kind of fear and dread I experienced as I watched the love and rock of my life leave on a plane headed to North Carolina. I cried in despair, believing that I was really doomed to fail the year I was facing. What am I going to do? What if I can’t do this??? Am I going to fail miserably? Have I made the wrong choice by staying in Texas? There were so many thoughts playing over and over again in my head.
3 days of hell by myself with a screaming baby and I knew I was in trouble if I didn’t ask for help. Since I didn’t trust anyone in Texas I turned to my MIL (who lived in Oklahoma) who graciously took us in.
Since we observe the Sabath on Saturdays I won’t be doing another update on this challenge until Sunday. So stay tuned until then to find out about my move to McAlester, Oklahoma and the many struggles I faced there as well.