Since overcoming my bad mothering, I’ve been trying a lot of different parenting techniques in an effort to find out what really works for my kids.
Practicing With My Son
Ariela has been staying with my parents since we got back from Hawaii, which means that I’ve just had one kid to care for lately. Not wanting to waste any time, I decided to challenge myself and practice some different parenting styles on Ryan.
You’ll be very surprised with what I’ve learned and where I learned it…
MTV’s Teen Mom
Recently I saw a magazine with this on it:
While I hate gossip, I couldn’t help but be curious about this show everyone was talking about. Who were these girls? Why had they been so glamorized? Are all of these things the magazines saying true (this eventually leads to my point, I promise)?
When it popped up on my netflix as a suggestion for me, I couldn’t stop myself from taking a look at it. And I was hooked.
I was fascinated with the dynamics of these families with 16 year old girls who had babies. But what struck me the most was that I noticed that the reason these girls either thrived or failed in their relationships was because of their ability (or lack there of) to communicate.
I have grown to love all the girls in this show, but I must say that out of the entire crew, Tyler (Catelynn’s Boyfriend) is my absolute favorite. I loved watching his mother sit him down and calmly talk to him about the choices he was making, without judging him. I am constantly in awe over Tyler’s ability to treat everyone with respect and communicate with them in a way that got his point across. I love how responsible he is, despite his bad choices (and who hasn’t made a bad choice at one point or another?).
On the other hand, I’ve been really annoyed with many of the other moms and dads who have such awful communication that their relationships have become volatile.
An Epiphany
After a couple of seasons of this show, I suddenly had an epiphany: communication is the key to healthy relationships and proper parenting!
Excited, I knew I had my answer to how I could better parent my children. I’m so happy I figured it out while I have only one kid since it’s much easier to communicate to one rather than 2 at the same time.
So I came up with a plan:
- If I ever felt like I was getting angry with my son enough to start yelling at him I would simply tell him,”Ryan, you’re making me angry and I don’t want to be angry.” If he continued to make me angry then I would simply put him in time-out and walk away until I felt calm enough to re-enter the situation calmly.
- If he ever threw a fit, I would calmly explain to him why it was not good to throw a fit and if he didn’t stop he would receive a consequence. When it came time to give him a consequence I would sadly tell him that I didn’t like punishing, but that every bad choice needed a bad consequence. Surprisingly he responded in a way in which he showed sadness for what he’d done and completely stopped the bad behavior (after his consequence, that is
). - If he asked me a question that I’d answered more than 3 times I would then tell him that I was no longer answering his questions (I don’t know what it is about this, but getting the same question over and over again really pushes my buttons!).
The Peace In My House And In My Son
It has been the greatest pleasure watching my son transform into a wonderful, happy, and easy to manage little boy.
The other day we went to the store and, even though he was still very energetic, Ryan stayed right next to me, complied with all my commands, and kept his voice down. A woman came up to me and commented on how amazed she was with how well behaved he was. I was grinning from ear to ear!
Preparing For My Daughter’s Return…Will I Maintain My Communication?
My daughter will be my greatest challenge since my communication with her has been it’s absolute worse. Please keep us in your prayers. I will keep you all posted on this subject.
How is your communication with your kids? Do you think it could improve?
No related posts.
I think all children (and adults!) do better when they know what to expect as well as what is expected from them. That said, I’m sure my communication with my children could stand quite a bit of improvement.
Oh yes, Jean. Now that I’ve gone through all of this and have a better handle on what communication is, I have a feeling that I’ll be refining my communication skills for the rest of my life. But I’m ever so grateful for finally understanding that it is communication that works best in parenting
Hi Kaui! I loved your mention of getting asked the same question over and over. I’m not a mom, but I nanny a three year old so I can definitely relate! I think it’s important that kids feel free to ask questions about the world, but at the same, they also need to understand that they don’t have absolute free rein over conversations and schedules. I think it’s a sign of a someone having healthy boundaries to occasionally say to their child, “Sweetheart, I’m not going to explain that right now” or “I’m sorry I’ve already answered that a few times today so I cannot answer it anymore right now.”
Yes, thank you! I couldn’t explain it better myself, lol!